Cats

“So that is that” replied the cat,
We sit alone and mew.
She looks so bored, I sit ignored
we don’t know what to do.

It all began a while ago
On this accursed night.
I sat by her, and tried to purr
And croon, in pale moonlight.

She looked at me, so ruefully,
and said, “I want some fish
A salmon steamed, or caviar creamed.
Some quaint exotic dish.”

I was so hurt, I looked aghast
At her great deceit
For here I sit, romantically,
And she just wants to eat!

I was so torn, I was so rent,
And quite heartbroken too
I looked at her, and mournfully
Let out a poignant mew.

She looked at me, disgustedly,
And said, “You foolish twit,
I asked you for a bit of fish,
Why can’t you go get it?!”

I tried to kiss and make up,
I kissed her furry paw.
She looked at me so viciously,
And punched me in the jaw.

“I ask you for a little thing,
You inefficient cad.
And yet you won’t give it to me
My god, you drive me mad!”

T’was then I knew that my love life
It had a little glitch.
‘Cos though she was a cat, I swear
She could be such a bitch!

I walked away, in dull dismay,
Tonight was not my night.
‘Cos she was rude, and I was screwed
There were no fish in sight.

And so you see, my feline friends,
That Love’s not good for you.
The woe and pain, drives you insane
Just like the women do.

By Maurice and me.
This is the new one with changes by Maurice. It's wriiten almost completely by him anyway, so whatever he says goes.

Home

I sit in my crammed balcony,
The birds sing in short trills
Or caw.
It is calm,
Except for the constant clamor from a construction site in the distance.
Another morning dawns,
And there’s a chill in the air.
I watch the sun rise from the unknown –
A yellow – orange orb wreathed in clouds.
I breathe to take in the fresh smell of the morning and a kitchen already busy.
Thoughts of a new photographs slip into my mind.
And then, a harsh word from behinds jerks me out of my reverie.

There’s a cold that woolens cannot warm,
An anxiety that doesn’t seem to leave,
A heaviness in the chest that cannot be explained,
Regrets for the past and a future already known.
Regrets that don’t change a thing, but don’t leave.
Sadness at inadequacy,
Of what was but isn’t anymore.
Thoughts of efforts not made, and of lethargy that swells.
Days of awkward meetings, awkward smiles, and quiet disappointments.
I look at the church, and think of what the night would have been.
The moonlight and the stars.
I look around me,
Bare walls, and softness that doesn’t comfort very much.

I look at our photograph, and I smile.
Remembering how you hated to be photographed at all.
How you liked this photograph once, but don’t like it anymore.
I never understood why.
I look at the little parcel of cloth, wrapping something as if it were sacred.
And I’m scared of the scent that might fade.
I fear the memories won’t burn even when I want to remember.
But will remain as dying embers.
I’m not trying to escape into your presence,
The effort will still be mine,
The lack of which haunts me now.
But there was something when you were here,
Content of happiness.
And now, I want so much to run away,
Run to you,
When I know I cannot.

You still feel so much like Home…

* I’d like to thank Saptarshi. The last few lines are from his poem “Home is where…”
I realise it's pointless to mention, but the last line although published by Saptrashi first, is still my own. I've said it too many times before.

In black and white.

*All photographs have been taken on a Cannon PowerShot A85 4.0 Mega Pixel digital camera.

Time stopped;
Frozen.
As if trapped in amber:
Immobile; like a little insect.
She looked at me, and smiled.

Then, the music began to play.
It was some orchestra, playing some classical piece, by some great composer or the other.
The music was very faint and coy;
As if not to invade my privacy.
Reduced to barely a whisper, it died out.
She looked at me, and smiled.

I could see the play of light on the wooden walls.
Glimmering;
Shimmering;
While the fireplace roared.
The pale, silver moonlight tricked in, and merged with the golden glow.
A portrait of an admiral on the wall;
Looking regal and haughty - expecting me to admire him.
I paid no attention.
She looked at me, and smiled.

Our hostess introduced her to me.
A friend, she said, a very close friend.
Our hostess’s voice, usually so nasal and annoying, didn’t seem to bother me.
She looked at me, and smiled.

I looked at her,
Smiled,
And left the room.
I was too afraid to say hello.

By Maurice [otherwise known as The Psycho Guy] and me. You can find his version here.

Love in the sunshine

Butterflies mating in April.

*All photographs have been taken on a Cannon PowerShot A85 4.0 Mega Pixel digital camera.

Reaching for the sky

*All photographs have been taken on a Cannon PowerShot A85 4.0 Mega Pixel digital camera.

My baby Christmas tree.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Spirit

Playing with Photoshop.

*All photographs have been taken on a Cannon PowerShot A85 4.0 Mega Pixel digital camera.

They're out there...

I think every word has a soul. I’m not sure, but I think it does. Every word I speak on this mildly cold winter evening will be there long after I’m dead and gone. [While I write this, I begin to think that I should really start thinking before I speak from now on] I think it matches the physics theory which says that energy can’t be created or destroyed. It only changes form. So my words with their little souls will be there always. It doesn’t matter what form they might be in or were in.

They will always be there.

And after I’ve said them, thinkingly or unthinkingly they leave me with their own little souls and travel through the world that is sadly ignorant of their presence. But maybe that’s a good thing, like Gandalf says about the Hobbits. Maybe if they knew that my words with their little fragile souls are there, they’d be out to destroy them. As if they were germs of a deadly disease called knowledge. Ignorance has such a grip. Conformity to ignorance is so natural now. What if the word with the little soul pulls them out of their dark ignorance with its light? What if it makes them think? It isn’t just one word. There are so many, but so fragile.

But sometimes I just think they’re scared of my words. Scared to break away from society, from ignorance that has become so natural. And when you say that you don’t know, they pass you a knowing smile. You always know they do.

And each word, with its little soul is part of my soul. And even though I speak the words and they leave into the world, my soul doesn’t deplete itself, but in some way is richer. It wasn’t there before and although it leaves me, it leaves something behind. Like a sparkling magic that makes me better than before. And even when I’ll have nothing more to say one day, their sparkling magic will remain, even though it might dim – for what has been.

And they know they have to go, have to travel from me, for they have already left their mark on me – their sparkling magic. They go, from me, to you. And they wait there in the corner till you are ready. If you could you would probably bury them alive, so as to remain in your comfortable ignorance. And maybe if you try hard enough you’ll bury them in that corner. But they’ll still be there. And when you say that you don’t know, they pass you a knowing smile. You always know they do. Every smile they throw at you will bring you closer to me. Even when I’m not there. And then, maybe one day, you’ll be unable to ignore them anymore, and you’ll speak them too. They’ll leave their sparkling magic on you and live and travel on.

I know they will live on.

This piece was inspired by Saptarshi’s “Little souls of mine’, and partly by Piglet and Lady Lazarus who I'm reminded of when I wrote this.

I lie in my dark bed.
Rum, warmth, taste of oak.
I’m tipsy,
Pink Floyd
I sing aloud.
I scratch myself.
I feel the pain.
I am alive.
No one cares.
I send him a message,
No reply.

I get out of bed.
Put on a mask.
Plastic smile.
No one notices anything out of the ordinary.

Blood, sex, weed, magic

A glimpse, magic, sparks glow.
Smiles flash by, wild laughter, life flows.
Neon lights, skin, hips sway.
White, black, smoke.

Guitar strings, chords, dark streets
Drugs, speed, weed, sweat, cold.
Up too high, too low, world spins, round it goes.
Bubbles, rum, warmth, heaven, gold.

Stars drift apart too far to reach –
Not in dreams though.
Passion, pain, and tears - I grow.
Sugar, spice, wine flows.

Hang in there, hang in there.
It’s just a matter of time till you explode.
Blood, sex, leather and birth control.
To be a rock, and not to roll.

All the world's a stage, and we are but pawns.

The glass chess set stain glass painted by me.

*All photographs have been taken on a Cannon PowerShot A85 4.0 Mega Pixel digital camera.

Beauty's delusion

‘ The problem with beauty is that it’s like being born rich and getting poorer.’
– Joan Collins.

‘You’re beautiful.’ But I don’t really care. One day I will be beautiful to the eye no more.
Will I be beautiful then?

But then, is beauty only what the eye can see?

*All photographs have been taken on a Cannon PowerShot A85 4.0 Mega Pixel digital camera.

Dreams

Dreams are funny things aren’t they?
So what if you dream about something that would normally make you feel very guilty if you had thought about it consciously? Are you supposed to feel guilty because you dreamed about it? Is it something that you actually want which is settled deep in your subconscious so you dream about it? And because it’s in your subconscious and you want it anyway, you should feel guilty about it.
Or is it just something that came by and because it’s a dream it has no parallel with your reality and the person that you are. I mean you don’t control your dreams so well why trouble yourself over it?
Really, what should you do? And believe?

Surviving in stone

*All photographs have been taken on a Cannon PowerShot A85 4.0 Mega Pixel digital camera.

I realized today that when you try to make someone else feel better, your own hurt and pain just becomes forgotten. Which might seem like it’s good but really it isn’t. It’s like a residue which still remains. It becomes insignificant and unimportant. But it’s like sediment which then begins to build up. And you feel mucky. You can’t let go of it. It’s like a bog, and you start sinking. Slowly.

At Flury's

The other day I was at Flury’s, having breakfast, and looking out of their wide glass windows [it covers one whole wall actually], and I watched an assortment of people pass by. As it happens to be one of the busiest crossings of the city there was every sort of person I could think of – workers, students, travelers, beggars, people who passed by giving haughty looks from their expensive cars et all. And one would think looking at this multitude of people I’d be humbled. Most writers write about how they’re humbled before the diversity of humanity. But I just wasn’t. I didn’t feel unimportant at all. I can’t explain it. I felt my life mattered just as much. It feels good to feel significant. I really didn’t feel like a petty pawn. I wonder why.

* Isn't the cake, amazing? To know more about it click here.

Murdered, with it's life drained and gone...

*All photographs have been taken on a Cannon PowerShot A85 4.0 Mega Pixel digital camera.

I feel the comfortable numbness of my fingers,
As I softly touch the skin on my cold pale cheeks,
Wet recently by warm, salty tears.

I hear you laugh, and you’re happy.
I claw you down
And you cry for the pain I feel.

You suffer for my foolish, irrational ways.
I don’t know how I controlled you
I’ve snatched your laughter away.

With every mistake I surely must be learning,
But I look at the world and I notice it’s turning
And you’re still standing here chained to me.

I don’t know how no one told you for whom to unfold your love.
I don’t know how you were diverted,
You were inverted and no one alerted you.

I look at you now
I see the laughter that is sleeping,
And it’s why I’m still weeping.

Seed

A little black seed,
Buried itself deep within
The folds of my chest.

Loathsome convention
Has shriveled and festered it
Utterly within.

With stretched black branches
It still grows sinisterly,
Flowering in me.

*21^st December ’05, 10:50 pm.

Mykonos, whitewashed forms, a labyrinth of lanes, a play of shadow and light.
Ruckus laughter, cool minty tea, dice and warm salty Mediterranean breeze,
I sit in the shade breathing the heavy scent from the rainbow coloured shop near my own.
A jest at my expense,
And I shift to make myself comfortable in a plush old armchair.
As I turn,
I see her hasten past my shop
Her head lifts to meet my gaze – for a moment.

Her eyes drop,
Covering her head she hastens on with hushed air.
I return to ruckus laughter, cool minty tea, dice and warm salty Mediterranean breeze.
Changed.

As the thoughts flow unbidden through my mind,
I catch a glimpse of your eyes looking into mine –
Of what could have been.
And then it passes me by,
And I think of someone else instead.

It was never meant to be…
I smile,
And it becomes a fleeting memory.

Flame

Well this was my second attempt at an optimistic poem and although it’s quite optimistic in the end, it’s rather depressive at the start. I just seem to be jinxed with optimistic poems don’t I?

And it’s just another day,
And I feel lost, and lonely
In some way hollow and empty
I know I want to be whole
I know my mind searches;
For that sparkling jewel that few find
Glittering somewhere in the dimness of that lone candlelight;
For, that pink hued rose
That blossoms in the warm dewy springs,
And the fragrance of life that it brings.

Everyday is just like the other
Nothing fulfilling to show of my day,
Nothing spirited ever to say,
No joyful memory,
To which my mind can stray;
And no enduring happiness ever to stay.

I’m beginning to hate
Hate everything
But I don’t hate me
Or maybe I do.
A feeling of suffocation and disgust,
Suffocation that cankers, rots and reeks.

I feel caught and trapped and caged,
Mired by the endless questions
Lost in confusion,
Weakened by helplessness,
And overwhelmed by a sense of senselessness.

And then in the silence of solitude
Of dark hours
And many sleepless nights
And thoughts too many to bear
And conflicts too painful to share
A small understanding dawned,
A light arose from the dying seas
And a flickering flame was given to me.

And many times since then,
It has burned bright,
Or flickered weakly
And even died at night.
But I made myself kindle it again,
And I toil to keep it alive,
My life has meaning,
And now I am alive.

Down memeory lane

Sauntering down memory lane,
I sighed.
I’m at war with myself,
No one replied.

It’s the end of the road,
I need to sort these feelings inside,
I need to understand this game.
Standing naked and alone
I rake those thoughts of mine
A smile flits across my face, remembering everything we shared,
Then, we both cared.

But then one day,
At a random jest of mine,
I was slandered,
My meaning mistook.
I was offended and hurt,
But did you care?
So blinded were you, my thoughts you wouldn’t share.
I tried to explain,
But you only looked upon me with disdain.
Instead you wanted me to apologize,
But what about my sentiments?
What about those rents?

I promised to be there every time you needed me,
And always will be,
But for you I will not lower myself and crawl,
I’m not yet that small.

I’m not jealous,
Not matter what you think.
For I can’t love you so much
To feel such bitterness towards another whom you do.

I’m not your cur at your beck and call,
For I believe in what I stand for,
And will not fall.
It is only you whom you deceive
If you think in time I’ll crumble,
I’m more willful than you think
And I will not sink.
It is that hard for me to debase myself
I’ll never be able to look at my mirror again,
And you’re not worth that.

That’s all there is to it,
There is no more.
I’d rather say goodbye,
Than tell myself a lie.

Beauty in a bowl

*All photographs have been taken on a Cannon PowerShot A85 4.0 Mega Pixel digital camera.

Happy Diwali '06

Alpanas

On charity...

Today when I went to pick up my younger brother from school, while waiting for him to come, outside the gate I saw this beggar walking up to a lady and ask her alms. From what I gathered I presume she said no, and this evoked no emotion in me as he seemed quite healthy man, not the thin and starving sort you get to see, frankly, he should have been working.

And then, he pointed to his right foot and I saw that the upper layers of skin were torn and falling off and that he was bleeding quite badly. It seems like he’d just been in an accident and a car had run over his foot. As he had no footwear to protect his feet, and so his skin had been rent.

It was terrible. She made a face reflecting surprise, pity and disgust and refused him any money anyway. Within the next ten seconds the school guard had reached there and began shooing him off. He limped away begging for help.

No one bothered to give him a single paise.

I was busy guarding a heavy bag of belongings but managed to send whatever change I had with the guard.

I’m sure that lady and the teacher next to her, not to mention the countless passers – by were very well to do and did some charity through the year and prided themselves for the charity which they did – giving plenty to charitable organizations. But none could part with ten rupees to help a beggar buy a bottle of antiseptic lotion, cotton and a bandage.

It just disgusts me that people have become so callous. If he wore good clothes and came near the school asking for help, the school itself would have given him a first – aid box. Just because he was in rags doesn’t make him any less of a person. He still has the same needs as us, and feels the same pain.

I wonder when people will realize that charity isn’t that certificate of thanks they receive from a charity organization but how much they help a person in need.

And soon, those drops of blood he’d left on the pavement while limping away being walked and stamped over, dried and faded away.

Through Time...

A note beforehand – This poem portrays what a lady vampire and her sire shared. Time changes a lot, and this poem portrays what she felt and what she had to go through. Each part portrays a different phase she goes through. The whole piece has been written partly in poetry and partly in prose.

PART I

The sound of soft footfalls in the steps,
And a flicker of fruitless hope flamed in her heart again.
But as they faded
A soft sigh left her lips,
And her eyes dimmed once more.

She looked at herself in the mirror and mockingly smiled,
That she was moved to smile at all.
A cascade of ebony brushed her shoulder,
Oh! What a shoulder
The golden hue of sheaves of wheat in autumn.
Her bitter chocolate eyes smouldered with passion.
How many would give all to touch that velvet skin?
So many,
But…
And her eyes dimmed once more.

**

PART II

Peals of playful laughter filled the air,
Like a raptured fruit overflowing.
Green and blue his sharp eyes twinkled,
And a smile sparkled upon her face.

“I’m never happier than when I’m with you,” she said flushed with joy.
“I try to be there always, my beautiful girl,
I just seem to be disappointing you in so many ways,” he said, a shadow across his face.
“you’ll never disappoint me,” she whishpered lovingly.

With a secret smile upon his face,
He pulled her into a warm embrace,
“I love you,” he quietly said.
“And I love you too.”

**

PART III

Her heart longed for him,
And her eyes looked far away,
Envisaging a place where she was eternally in his warm embrace,
Locked within a deep kiss.
Where she could look into his loving eyes,
Thinking of what it would be like to be with him,
To touch him,
To…

The glass slipped, crashing onto the floor,
Shattering into a thousand pieces.
And she watched the blood, her wine, spill.
Dipping her finger into the deep, red liquid,
She licked it off.

He had done this to her.
Her Sire.
But she had loved him so much,
And she loved him still,
And her eyes dimmed once more.

**

PART IV

The sands of time were the desert between them,
He loved her,
And she loved him more.
They were so different, and yet, so deep in love.
She was young, beautiful,
A darling fawn in a spritely dance.
He was older, he was graver,
He had played the game of Life,
And Death
A little more.

But the chaos in his life
Left that emptiness in hers.
He couldn’t be there for her enough
But she had loved him so much,
She loved him still
And her eyes dimmed once more.

**

PART V

“Why are you doing this to me?”
Her piercing shriek was like a whipcrack through the air.
Her eyes were red with crying.
She was in despair.
“Please don’t leave me like this,
Don’t let go.”

She slit her wrists in pain,
But no blood flowed out.
All was in vain.
“I’d rather die than live without you,
But I am in this cage.”
And she cried, and cried, and cried.

Then suddenly once her eyes burned alive,
And she flew into a rage.
“I don’t need you,” she screamed out.
“I don’t need you at all
I can live without you,
I hate you so much.”
And her eyes dimmed once more.

**

PART VI

The streets were bathed in moonlight.
A soft swish of a cloak here,
A glimpse of a silken glove there,
Treading in her dark, velvet boots she was out a hunting;
To have a little fun.

A chattering voice she heard
He was the only one.
She smirked.
The tall, dark, handsome sort,
Rather pleased with himself,
Yes, his blood would be hers.
She moved in for the kill,
Till,
Stunned, she stopped,
For this is what she heard:

“Yes, I think she’s falling in love with me, I quite like her too. The problem is, I barely have any time for her. I can’t decide what to do. But I don’t think I should tell her no. it’s really okay. It doesn’t matter. I’ll have a good time anyway. I won’t tell her no.”

Then what she’d suppressed for months
Welled up, swelled up,
Her mask shattered,
All torn and battered
In her blaze of rage,
Swift as a shadow,
She stood before him
Looking at him with her pitiless eyes she whispered:
“She deserves better than you.”

Then deep into him her fangs she sunk,
And drained him of his blood.
Barely living he lay on the cold, grey stone
Shivering, fear in his eyes, white as bone.
In a fit of wrath her dagger did she unsheathe,
And stabbed him, and slashed him,
Relishing in his every scream.
Till in a pool of blood he lay,
Dipping her finger in the deep, red liquid,
She licked it off.

He had done this to her,
Her Sire.
She had loved him so much,
She loved him still,
And her eyes dimmed once more.

**

PART VII

Slipping back into her room that night,
Try what she might,
She thought she could never be at peace.
Looking out into the deep blue sky
Gazing she realized,
She had to let go of him.

She had been a fool even to try
To make herself wait
And cry.
Those tears had been in vain,
And she did what she never before did dare,
She accepted what she felt for him and let it go.
And no longer did the memories remain.

“I’ve heard a lot of beautiful things,” she began whispering into the night
“And we’ve even had our fights,
I’ve said I hated you,
And even that without you I’d die. I still wonder why
We had to say goodbye.

But will I ever really feel you love again?
Will you ever fold me in your arms again?
I don’t know.
And now I don’t care.

With that quiet resolve in her mind,
She smiled.
And turned away.

******

Down from the door where it began,
And I must follow if I can
And the road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began
Now far ahead the road has gone
And I must follow if I can.

*All photographs have been taken on a Cannon PowerShot A85 4.0 Megapixel digital camera.

Fallen from the skies

They told me love is like a star – I’d try to reach it,
But it would be too far.
There was only contempt in my eyes
When I looked at them, and smiled.

The fool that I am
I began to uncurl
Like a flower,
And my petals did unfurl.
With my wings I did soar,
I did fly,
Ever higher than before
In the deep hued sky.

Then came the unexpected crash
I didn’t know what hit me
You’d laugh to know how I tumbled.
You’d laugh to see how I fumbled.
Was it that fleeting gaze?
But why did it leave me in such a chaotic daze?
Oh, yes, green and blue his sharp eyes did twinkle,
Like a candle flame where salt is sprinkled.
The thread of love he wove around me,
And in the hollow of my heart,
A scarlet flame burned
And I began to long
Long evermore,
For that warm embrace,
For that careless brush on the cheek,
For that passionate kiss,
I knew I was in love.
And then I tried to reach it.

But in vain.
I grasped blindly again, and again and again,
The strife made me insane.
It drove me mad, it drove me wild,
In the end that scarlet flame wholly engulfed me.
I was broken
I was lost
I was scarred
I was rent
I was fading away,
While those tears of blood flowed down my face.
Then, rocking softly, softly, softly
To the shadows I was left whispering-

“Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky.”

My Sire

It was time you rose,
Higher, away from the darkness,
Away from the entangling shadows.
So you rose.
Your movement flawless,
You were not delved in insanity,
You knew exactly what to do.
I thought you were hiding, and you were,
Just with a painted mask called waiting.
I couldn’t hear you, see you, feel you.
I think you were scared to show me what you were,
What I would become.
You said it was my foolish curiosity that made me fall,
You were, and are wrong.
It is foolish curiosity that makes a scientist out of a man,
Then how could that be my mistake?
No. I came to you because I wanted to,
My next move being my last.
My very life drained and gone.
The floor bespattered with my blood.
My lifeless body now falling into my grave,
I rise again later.
I realized you hadn’t done me any favours,
You took away from me all I had.
I didn’t find what I came looking for.
I’ve become a monster, empty, but eternal like you are.
I truly hate you my sire.

Harry Potter

When I read the second Harry Potter book I was completely disgusted with the poem Ginny Weasly had written for Harry. [Obviously not being smart enough then to realize Rowling had written it] I was simply in love with Harry's world, so as to speak, and thus, to prove I could have done better had I the chance I wrote this.
This was my first poem.
I still crack up when ever I read it. Enjoy.

A poem to Harry Potter on Valentine’s Day

His eyes are as green as the sea on a bright summer’s day
His hair ebony black,
The hero who destroyed the Dark Lord
And the youngest Quidditch player for more than a century back.,
Just like his father who was so unfortunately zapped.
But people that famous are haughty and proud,
And their boasts about themselves never stop.
But Harry has a heart of gold
That will undoubtedly ever turn stone cold.
I could carry on and on
And shower you about praises in every way.
But your secret admirer just wanted to wish you
A very Happy Valentine’s Day.

The Other Path

Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

That's just what this is.